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I’m working around my brain trying to find the words to type. I know what was on my mind when I decided to post, but I don’t know how to funnel it through to words. I doubt and question myself continuously. If I spent as much energy doing as I did thinking about what I haven’t done and what I have to do.. let’s just say I’d probably get a lot more done. Although there are some exceptions, for the most part I work by myself with myself almost every day. Thank God for my little dog Tiffany who keeps me company most of the time. After a long hard day like today.. I found myself lying on the couch feeling very sad and self conscious. Being a photographer is hard work. Running a photography studio is even harder. I’m so grateful to have recently found some great people to help me.. but it’s hard to let go and let somebody else take care of my baby. For the better part of over 2 years I have done it all; shooting, booking, answering the phone, returning emails, filling orders, editing, proofing, bookkeeping, editing, shipping, marketing, advertising, networking.. did I mention editing? And on top of all that I must be constantly keeping up with the pace and “terms” of technology all the while educating myself on how to always be a better photographer. And all of this must be done while attempting to make some kind of profit. Yes, I am trying to make a living doing this whole photography gig with a camera in my hand. And to be honest.. there are both a lot easier and a lot worse ways to try and make a living. I count myself immeasurably blessed to have been given not only this incredible gift but this incredible responsibility. And with this responsibility comes the pressure of always nailing the shot.. when I don’t nail a shot. I will dismiss the other 499 images from a wedding as being beautiful.. because I didn’t nail that one!! It’s just how I’m wired. I guess all of this is coming about because summer is over and fall is here.. the season is changing and I’m reflecting a little. Summer was long and hot. It seemed to have started in April and wrapped up in August this year. June and August were brutal to me. Not only were they two of the busiest months I’ve had in over 2 years.. I was sick twice. The second time I was sick for nearly 3 weeks. This wouldn’t be that big a deal, except I am rarely sick. It took everything I had to push through some days. As a wedding photographer, I’m not allowed the dubious luxury or “calling in”. And on a few of those days I literally begged God for some grace.. and it was granted. Mostly, I am grateful. I am grateful because rather than continuing to lay on the couch and “feel sorry for myself” for not being perfect, I opted to get up, put one foot in front of the other and head back to the studio and put a little more time in. Winter, I am ready for you this year. Good bye summer.. I can’t say that I will miss you this year. I’m sure I’ll long for you again one day. But for right now I’m glad it’s over.
My sister Rene’, my niece Leah and my nephew Jake
Truman State Park, Truman, NY July 23rd, 2009
